I didn’t know she was so irritated by me that she couldn’t stand even sitting next to me in class. Thinking about it there were a couple of times that her actions should have given me the hint, but of course I was oblivious because I would never ever have expected this from her.
She’s one of my closest friends. I tell her and confide in her mostly everything. She tells me every time she’s annoyed with certain individuals and what she does about it. I can’t get over the fact that she was irritated with ME for so long but didn’t have the guts to tell ME. Okay, so some of the things I do or say can be irritating. Then tell me so I can do something about it rather than you be silent and I might continue doing it, further aggravating the situation.
I told myself to keep it together and be tough. Accept the comment like a man. The thing is, I’m not a man. I’m a young woman. I could only ‘bertahan’ for so long. My usual defense mechanism from being hurt which is by numbing myself could only last a while. When recess came and we had tadarrus Al-Quran in groups I was depressed even more by my fumbling over several Quranic verses and tajwid. When I prayed dhuha, I couldn’t prevent the stream of tears from my congested lachrymal glands from flowing. Alhamdulillah no one noticed.
After that was a seminar on Renin-Angiotensin System. I stayed until the second speaker and then headed towards the computer lab. An email from a friend cheered me up and made me forget my melancholy. I busied myself with the internet all afternoon. At 2pm, we had a short biochemistry practical and then I went back to the hostel and slept.
The problem kept nagging at me even during Tarawikh prayers which is by the way, one of the reasons which makes me glad I’m in UIA. The Tarawikh prayers are done with short recitations of the Quranic verses in sequential order and a tazkirah between the 8 raka’ahs. All those selawat2 tah ape2 was absent :)
Just now, I went to Sibah’s room and had to see her. She didn’t sit beside me in class today and yesterday so I wondered whether she was angry with me too. I might have broken down if that were the case. Alhamdulillah she had other reasons. She has the flu and the front seats were too cold. I’m sorry for having to disturb sibah and pour out my woes on to her but my turbulent thoughts were depressing me and disturbing my peace and also concentration. I broke into tears in front of Sibah. (ape la awla nih kememeh betul..asyek nangis je… PMS kot)
So what do I do now? Give my friend some space and pray that she’ll tell me herself what I did wrong. May Allah help us both. (11.08pm, 5/10/05)
……………………………………………………………………………………………
Its 11.55pm. My annoyed friend just came to my room with red swollen eyes. Sibah has just been to her room. Darn, I didn’t expect everything to happen so quickly. She told me her reason. She was actually bengang with some things I said during the du’at apprentice program. She thought I’d notice the signs but apparently I did not. I dunno what I was thinking to have made me oblivious of peoples’ reactions. Usually I pride myself on being observant. A blow to my ego indeed. And then throughout Monday it was eating away at her and whatever I said was misinterpreted. Naturally, she’d want to avoid me, right.
Sheesh, Awla, you should be more sensitive in future and mind your words. Who knows who else has been hurt. I know Azzahra has suffered countless times but that’s mutual. It goes both ways…hehe. We have a love-hate relationship. We repel each other but since we’re stuck with each other, we try to make the best of things.
The moral of the story is,
- if you have nothing good to say, then better remain silent. That would be more appreciated.
- the worst thing you could do (besides maksiat to Allah) is hurting people you love especially family members and close friends.
p.s... at the time this was posted, the writer and her friend are good pals again :)
No comments:
Post a Comment