truly touched

i've never cried so hard in my life before... okay, so that's a bit of an exageration. lemme complete the sentence. i've never cried so hard in my life before while reading a story book. i was on the third part of Dave Pelzer's MY STORY. the part about his adult life compared to the abusive childhood that he received.

i was feeling down yesterday after losing miserably in a scrabble match representing my batch with four others. i was the only one who got last place. two of them won and will proceed to the finals tonight. i lost becuse i was fated to pick out the relatively rare letters found in words like Q, W, Y, X. what's mored disheartening is the fact that i was IGNORANT of the word QUAY. i had all the letters but i had never heard of the word before. it could have been my winning streak. i felt so bad and STUPID for not knowing it since i asked some friends who said that the word was common knowledge. ape la Awla ni..

well, after that charade, feeling quite depressed, i just couldn't put myself into revising the day's lectures anymore that i resorted to finishing the third and last part of the trilogy. the first part i'd read on the bus ride home, the 2nd at home burning the midnight oil and now the third one. Many had said that the third part was quite mundane in comparison to the first two but i have to contradict them. i kept on reading till 4am. i couldn't put it down. there were parts where i was so emotionally touched that i cried my heart out having to put the book down just long enough to obtain a tissue to wipe my runny nose. i was crying compulsively, with my heart going out for david. he went through so many obstacles yet he never quit and was determined to go on living. knowing how child abuse affects ones life, he went on to help others.

one can learn so much from this book. i am definitely going to buy the book, unless, kakyung, u wanna buy it for me =) ( i'd borrowed the book from sibah. rm49.90 for three books is undoubtedly a bargain)

having slept so late and feeling tired to bits, i had to forego my plans of fasting for today since i knew only coffee would sustain me for the rest of the day. i just could not afford to sleep in class anymore than i already have.

alhamdulillah i'm still wide awake. maybe i'll qadha' my sleep this evening.

gtg, i have to rush for a seminar on dieting by my classmates at 2.00pm.

politics

yawwn. this time not because i'm sleepy but i'm bored with all the dirty politics around. the heat of the campus elections aren't felt here in kuantan.

Yawwwwwwn

Perhaps I’ve been doing a bit more yawning than I should. I believe I have a sleeping disorder. I can practically fall asleep anywhere. Yesterday was absolutely bad. I was only okay in the first half hour of the first lecture. For the next half hour I was glancing at the clock every 2 minits between my ‘sengguk’ans. Sian dr khurshid but I did try my best to keep awake. After that during Dr hassan’s amoebiasis lecture I was nodding off again. Thank goodness for the half hour recess. Then it was Mr Nasser’s surgery lecture on management of biliary tract diseases. I was trying so hard to stay focused but failed miserably. The PBL session at 2pm with Dr Maung Maung was ok and not as traumatic as was the previous two PBl’s with Dr Khurshid.

In the evening. I went out to Kuantan Parade to refresh my food stock alone. I dunno why but I was kinda depressed especially since me and my roommates have just been fined R150 for failing to register our fridge, kettle and sandwich maker and for doing some business selling some stuff. Huh, tak start pun lagi bisnes tuh. Reading Dave Pelzer’s third story in his trilogy ‘A man named Dave’ was depressing enough. His traumatic and abusive childhood would distress anyone.

After maghrib was kak Min’s kuliah tafsir on ‘Ciri-ciri orang bertaqwa’. It was interesting yet I still found myself nodding off several times. It’s just so embarrassing.

Ok so I slept late yesterday preparing for PBL. It shouldnt have been that critical.

Dying for some quality sleep,

12.26 am

i'm at home. just arrived in jb at 7.30pm. came back with teha. naik bas CEPAT which actually is a total misnomer.

sampai-sampai je terus kene angkut pegi solat hajat perdana for PMR and SPM at Skolah Hidayah. we missed the solat hajat part lah kan. but the majlis ilmu after that on surah yaasin was enlightening. met with ustazahs and mak ciks. safura dah habis exams so she went too. pak cik kamarul bahrain kalau nampak me aje mesti tegur...hehe. *sigh* ramai orang yang i dunno, so many new faces. not that its a bad thing or anything but i had to really search for the rather familiar faces which surprisingly was not so easy. fortunately for me there was nasi lemak provided after the talk because i was absolutely hungry.

the minitest today was like any other minitests. i've become accustomed to them. don't feel anything anymore. numb. besides going into the usual one-week before 'i'm sorry-minitest is near-have to prepare' mode.

now i have to go about doing the things i've postponed.

WISH YOU ENOUGH

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said "I love you and I wish you enough."
The daughter replied, "Mum, our life together has been more than enough.Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too, Mum." They kissed and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone, knowing it would be forever?".

"Yes, I have, " I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral", she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?".

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me she shared the following, as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH.....

it's not so uncommon

reading about other people's aches and pains, i realize that my pain is nothing.

the previous weekend, i was involved in an exhibition to promote IIUM Kuantan to the people of Cenderawasih, one of the housing areas here in Kuantan. They had organized an 'Ekspo Kemajuan Bangsa' co-organized by BTN cawangan Pahang to promote the advancements of the Malays. all i can say is, IIUM is way advanced coz they can even send their students to do the promoting.

the expo itself warrants an entry in this blog but i'll have to do that another time. what i want to write about is the booth next to ours; the UKM booth. UKM sent their research unit to promote the health products that they've come up with. they've invented a cream to cure psoriasis and an assortment of pills for all kinds of common diseases such as kidney failure, liver problems, even pills to regulate hormones for those with XY chromosomes.

i was interested with the drugs for cancer. it was designed specifically to combat breast ca and ovarian ca.

history; young female, 21 years old, no family history of breast cancer
physical exam; two lumps were found in the right upper quadrant - mobile and tender
diagnosis? you tell me.

i asked a lot of questions to the indian woman and chinese guy at the ukm booth.

would the pills work for benign tumours? yes it did. it can even cause it to regress completely and prevent recurrences.

how should the pills be taken? three capsules three times a day. a bottle which costs rm50 contained 45 capsules and would only last a week.

how much should be taken for it to be effective? one-two months would do but then maintenance doses should be taken

that would certainly burn a hole in my pocket. i had to think about it.

on the second and last day of the exhibition i was all set to buy those tablets but i had to consider the coming fasting month. would taking it twice daily suffice?

both couldn't answer that question so she refered me to her boss, Prof Dr Azimahtol. so i presented my case via handphone to this professor and she was unsatisfied that i hadn't had a lumpectomy. from my reading and consultations, only few cases ever do turn malignant so i needn't worry that much. would you want to be among those rare cases? she asked me.

unsatisfied talking to me thinking that the message hadn't gotten through to me, she told me to ask mak to call her. all right, whatever. so i didn't buy the pills. kiv dulu.

anyways, i've been worrying all week about it until i consulted several doctors i trusted and asked their opinion. most of them agreed with my previous stance but a lumpectomy would rid me of my doubts.

i do not suffer from this problem alone since there are a few others having the same condition. it's more common than people think.

why me? fate, i guess.

dazed

i'm supposed to be studying and preparing for the minitest next friday. either that or i could have gone to the kursus kahwin that's cheap and is valid for a lifetime. but no, i'm in front of the computer in the library, in a dazed state- the after effects of too much sleep.

this is the only weekend that i can catch up on all my revision but all i can do is sleep. reading at my table or on my bed, i doze of after the first few sentences. might as well sleep betol2.

Guidelines for my tongue

Coming across two guidelines for the tongue in one sitting should be some sorta reminder don't u think especially with my extravagant usage of of it. I've been told many a times on how sarcastic i am. i really have to do something about it.

Safeguarding the Tongue
by Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi
Translated by Moulana M. Mahomedy.

1. Do not speak without thinking. Once you have pondered over what you wish to say and you are convinced that it will not be badly received, only then should you speak.

2. It is a sin to address a person or speak of him in the following terms: "he has no Imaan", "may Allah's punishment, curse, or anger descend on him", "may he enter hell", etc. It is a sin to speak in this manner irrespective whether one is addressing a human or an animal. If the person who has been addressed in this manner does not deserve such remarks, then all thesecurses will actually descend on the person who uttered them.

3. If anyone addresses you in this useless manner, you have the right to reply in the same way. However, you cannot exceed what that person says. If you exceed, you will be committing a sin.

4. Do not be two-faced whereby you "play according to the tune" of one person when you are in his company, and according to the "tune" of another person when in the latter's company.

5. Don't ever back-bite. Nor should you listen to such back-biting and tale-bearing.

6. Never ever speak a lie.

7. Do not praise a person directly. Nor should you exaggerate in praising him in his absence.

8. Don't ever involve yourself in gheebah. Gheebah means speaking in the absence of a person in such a way that if he were to hear it, he would be grieved. This is irrespective of whether what you say is the truth or not.If what you say is false, it is regarded as slander or defamation. This is even more sinful.

9. Do not argue with a person. Do not try to give precedence to your opinion.

10. Do not laugh excessively as this causes the illumination of the heart (and countenance) to disappear.

11. If you have made gheebah of a person, seek his forgiveness. If you are unable to do so, make dua-e-maghfirah (prayer of forgiveness) on his behalf. In doing this, there is a hope that you will be forgiven on the day of judgement.

12. Do not make false promises.

13. Do not laugh in such a way that the other person feels insulted or offended. (In other words, do not laugh mockingly at anyone)

14. Do not be boastful of something that you own or some quality that you possess.

15. Do not mention things that you hear from here and there because the majority of such rumors are false.

Guidelines for Aliya's tongue (from kak Aliya's blog)

1. If it's not important or the least bit useful, don't say it.

2. If you don't want the same thing said to you, don't say it to anyone else.

3. Refrain from commenting about every single thing you see.

4. Refrain --dilligently-- from commenting about people's appearances; even if it's good.

5. Always talk about your friends' good points publicly; whether they are in front of you or not.

6. Let other people finish their sentences. Try not to finish it for them (unless they're disrupting traffic or it's between life and death)

7. Stop a debate when it's getting nowhere.

8. In anger, only voice out against actions and not persons.

TAUSHIYAH UTK AKTIVIS ISLAM,

karya Dr NAJIH IBRAHIM.. diterjemahkan ke dalam bahasa Indonesia.....

Akhi, aktivis Islam, anda harus meningkatkan kesabaran, dengan cara menyiapkan jiwa anda untuk bersabar, nescaya jiwa anda bersabar pada suatu waktu, bahkan menjadi jiwa yang redha, InsyaAllah. Salah seorang generasi salaf berkata, “Saya membawa jiwaku kepada Allah dalam keadaan menangis. Saya terus-menerus membawa kepadaNya, hingga akhirnya ia pulang kepadaku dengan ketawa”

Jika kelelahan anda memuncak, cobaan anda semakin meningkat dari hari ke hari, musibah datang meruntun kepada anda, jiwa anda yang selalu memerintahkan kepada keburukan itu memprovokasi anda untuk “memilih” dunia, dan jiwa anda, dan jiwa anda membangkang kepada anda, maka anda harus mengendalikan jiwa anda, hingga gampang diatur, tunduk kepada anda, dan merespon seruan Allah Ta’ala dengan redha, setelah sebelumnya ogah-ogahan.

Katakan kepada jiwa anda, “Anda sudah melangkah sedemikian jauh di perjalanan menuju Allah dan perjalanan tidak lama lagi berakhir. Bersabarlah”

Jiwaku, jangan sia-siakan amal salihmu di masa lalu, tidak tidur bermalam-malam dan berhari-hari, dan lelah bertahun-tahun, hanya dalam tempo sesaat dengan gegabah. Sabar itu sebentar. Kerana itu, bersabarlah. Cubaan itu laksana tetamu. Biasanya, tetamu tidak lama berada di rumah yang dikunjunginya. Betapa indah pujian dan sanjungannya kepada tuan rumah yang dermawan. Wahai kaki yang sabar, teruslah beramal. Tidak lama lagi pekerjaan akan selesai.”