A reflection of myself

someone from my school, SMI Hidayah JB, wrote the following:

never change la you ni.dr skola sampai skrg no change at all.i igt psl dulu2 kan,u ketua pengawas, n u jeling2 budak2 yg pakai tdg 3 segi (big deal!!), konon tak thiqah la sgt kan. but look at urself, u end up with that kind of tudung.

u r so arrogant to admit ur weaknesses.

one more, i dah lame nak ckp ni.tapi br terjumpa blog u.dulu u igt x u bg tazkirah ms qiam, u kutuk giler sape yg bebaik dgn lelaki.n u now?i have a cousin there, satu batch dgn u, n to let u know, my cousin is a HE.lotsa stories i got frm him about you.

it's not really a prob to pandang org smcm as if u perfect, kalau u mmg perfect.but what i saw, u know.some of you (the prefects and head-prefect) are all hypocritos!

damn u!

b yourself!

now i;ve got the answer, y there were so many stdnts hated you.

i hope, no one will hate u for being once again a leader there.sigh.
whosoever | 12.07.06 - 3:20 am | #



This is my reply to 'whosoever':

i think the best person to judge whether i have changed or not would be my family and friends (i'm wondering whether U fit in any of those categories)

yes, i admit i was way too strict at school, but then again that was because of the enviroment at that time. that was the only exposure i had. the tarbiyah world. so i based my every thoughts on that only. besides, it was my job as head prefect to ensure that school rules were followed. i had to do it to the best of my ability though at the expense of being hated by others. u think i liked it? there were many times that i cried my heart out to my dad and sister. but it was an amanah. i could not just quit.

after leaving school and venturing into the matriculation world and university, i learnt that i must be more open-minded and not take everything at their surface value. i began to be less judgemental. my opinions then are NOT the same as my opinion now. but i pray that my principles have not changed.

hmm, to care about being hated again for doing my job, i think is way lame. Allah will not ask me how many ppl don't like me. he'll ask whether i have i done my work as best as i can. and that's what i intend to do.

if u thought that my writing about my society work was in any way a form of bragging that i'm a ketua this or ketua that, think again. i never wanted them in the first place. other ppl are better candidates but i got stuck with them coz no one else wants to take it up. i just pray that i don't mess things up too badly.

about the tudung, i must admit that i used to think that tudung labuh was the only 'good' option. now, i realize i was wrong. i know now that as long as i adhere to the islamic requirements of dress code, insyaAllah Allah will be redha with me regardless of my the length of my tudung. even tudung tiga segi labuh yg pakai mcm butterfly was deemed tabarruj by me. yeah, i was extreme. but that my friend was the current thinking at that time.

seriously sister, i am my worst critic. i do not claim to be perfect. far from it. i have many weaknesses and lack in many areas. i try my best to be a good muslim. sometimes i am wrong and i hope those around me will correct me.

send my regards to ur cousin. i hardly know the guys in my batch except for a few who have helped me out on numerous occasions. i daresay i am close to any of them. though there are a few i wouldnt hesitate to call in case i need their help. but i can hardly say that i'm 'buddy2'with them or anything. hmm, what about other guys? maybe i send the ones whom i respect and workj with raya messages or something like that. if u think that my friendship with them has gone beyond the boundaries of shariah, pray, do tell me and advise me. i am prone to mistakes and errors.

i thank you for highlighting my mistakes and erronous ways. insyaAllah i shall try to improve. may Allah bless u for doing ur duty of advising me.
Jazakillahukhairan kathira.