a depressing morning

i am so depressed rite now i don't know whether to cry or just scold someone.i feel like strangling a few people.what the hell is their problem.i was controlling and rationalizing myself but finding it difficult since their actions ain't rational at all.

ok the story goes like this..last friday we had our 2nd minitest.me and my studymates worked hard for it although we were still blurrish on a few chapters. alhamdulillah we made it through.after the 2nd minitest is our revision week for our end block exam.since our exams which was postponed from 2nd raye to 22nd after raye..we have two weeks of holiday.so some of my friends have gone back home already. however most of us stayed back with the intention of doing some early revision and then just catching up when we come back from kampung. we,especially me, know that going home is equivalent to not studying. its jut been programmed that way,maybe ever since my matriculation days. we had this planned a month ago.

but now that we're actually going through it,it doesnt seem so enjoyable. as each day goes by, it gets more depressing. at first we had the programme at polisas to look forward to. and then we knew it was serious studying all the way.(serious doesnt really dscribe my studygroup..it's 50% laughter,20% gossipping and a mere 30% studying excluding the eating and breaks). however being a part of a group really provides me with the moral and social support adequate to sustain my sanity here..

ok,back to my main frustration. its concerning the minitest results. today's tuesday and its still not out yet. previously it would have been out the very evening we took the test.or maybe the next morning. but this time..huh..4 days have passed and its still not out. the results have been one of my motivating factors keeping me here these few days otherwise i can go back home and be with people i love..my family. everyday when we go to the library i make a detour firat to the BMS board to see if its out and every time i am disappointed. its not that i did extremly well, its just that i want to know my results. if i did bad then i must work harder and if i did okay, then i should keep it up. but it's just not out yet.

i've already met with dr.khurshid,our course coordinator yesterday and he said that there was a problem with the kulliyyah admin..and he went on saying that if these people make fasting a reason for their lack of production this ramadhan then might as well they dont fast at all. but he assured me that this morning it will come out. okay i could accept that.

this morning i was excited coz it was finally gonna come out just to be crushed and disappointed again. so i straight away went to ask sis. fiza,the secretary of BMS dept but she didnt know anything about it. so i went to dr.khurshid who called the kulliyyah admin people or specifically sister munirah who was handling the matter. she said that the results have already been processed 2 days ago (tensyen je dengar). someone just had to pick it up. but according to the BMS people it is not their job to be going after results and picking it up themselves,the secretary has to do it but the secretary doesnt know anything about it... huh tensyennye..derang gaduh and we're stuck in the middle..cam malcolm in the middle plak.

i went back to my friends and revised a bit.. then my friends went to see if what i did got us somewhere just to be disappointed again. so they decided to see prof nasa the head of BMS. he said that he was waiting for someone to send the results to him coz he's not going anywhere or doing something that he wasn't supposed to.. although frustrated,we managed to go through 2 subtopics..then i just couldnt stand it i went to check again..it was as expected. nothing there. so this time i asked sis fiza the prof nasa whose answer further exacerbate my misery and destroyed the little sanity and control i had left. he said he cant do anything about it and told us to wait for it..

i know we should be patient especially since it's ramadhan and all..but it's just so hard to do..and the circumstances being as it is..

so here i am.at the computer lab..pouring it all out..still feeling miserable..i just pray that things will get better or i might just breakdown and fall apart..potentially hazardous to myself and others..

at least i have iftar at dr.melur's tonight to look forward to..the food she prepares are always yummylicious..